


Letting Go

by SomeWherePhanIsReal



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sexual Tension, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4572285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeWherePhanIsReal/pseuds/SomeWherePhanIsReal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jocelyn is a woman with a dark past. Her demons will haunt her forever. Well, more like her ex. She's shut off herself from the world except her daily routine. Eat, Work, Eat, Sleep, Repeat. Until one day, she mets Phil "Sunshine" Lester. Sparks fly and Jocelyn holds herself back. Will she ever learn to love again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first piece! Also, I'm bad at smut so there probs won't be a lot of that. The chapters will be short at first because they are back story and I'm just seeing how well this stuff turns out.

**January**

"Hey Jocelyn!" My boss called to me as I was about to leave. "You're the last one here! Can you please stay an extra half hour to watch our security? I need to run out, I'll be back ASAP!" 

 

"I-" 

 

"OK, cool! see you"

 

** Two hours later **

I was tapping my toe and rubbing my scar vigorously. I might come off as a bitch to some people, but really, Sebastian tells me it's for the better. He says that me acting bitchy really turns him on. He also says he's my Master, so I have to go by what he says. I love Sebastian, but he gets furious when I'm late from work. I decide to see how bad my punishment would be.

 

_Oh shit._

 

It's 6pm! I've been here for two hours! Didn't boss say half an hour? Finally, Boss burst through the door.

 

"Look, I am so sorry, I got caught up, you can go." Before she even started speaking, I was out the door.  _I can't do this, I can't do this, shit, shit, shit!_ I sped home and burst through the door.

 

"Sebastian! I am so sorry! My boss wanted me to stay and..." I drifted off mid-sentence as there was no reply. Usually-  _no, I can't think about that._ I stopped my train of thought. Suddenly, a loud  _bang!_ erupted from our bedroom. I cautiously walked over there and Sebastian was in there, crying.

 

"I thought you were dead, I thought you were dead!" Sebastian was shouting. I ran over to him and dropped to my knees. Sebastian shoved me away, hitting my head on the wall. He crawled over to me and pinned me on the floor. I glanced around the room. Beer bottles were everywhere, the once-beautiful pink wallpaper was peeling off, our bed covers were a mess, and the desk was covered in papers. 

 

Sebastian slapped me. "Pay attention to me!" He started crying again as he let me go. "I feel like lately you've been pushing me away. Don't you know that you're the only person I can talk to? The only person who understands me?" I sat up and put my lips to his. We kissed passionately until Sebastian slid his hand up my shirt and tried to pull it off.

 

"Sebastian, no. No sex right now, I'm hungry." Sebastian pushed me to the floor again and he jumped on top of me.

 

"Well too bad missy, I'm your master and I'm thirsty." I gave in as he pulled my shirt off and kissed me again.

 

**April**

"Sebastian! I'm home on time today!" I walk through the door and drop my work bags. No reply. Strange... I walk closer to our bedroom and hear noises.

 

"Oh, Sebastian," A female voice moans. Knots turn in my stomach.  _No._ I love Sebastian, I do, he said that he loves me, am I not enough? I burst through the door to see our a mystery woman and Sebastian naked in  _our_ bed. Sebastian turns to me and smiles.

 

"Hey honey!" The mystery woman turns to me and I see her face.

 

_My boss is having sex with my boyfriend. Sebastian is cheating on me._

 

 

Terror shines in my boss's eyes. I turn around and sprint out of the house, tears streaming down my face.

 

** May **

 

Finally, all my important stuff is packed. I have a small suitcase full of belongings. I wrote Sebastian a note saying I was leaving. I got a new phone and changed the number in secret. Sebastian wasn't here at the moment, I honestly didn't care. Just for fair measure, I look around the house I destroyed. The house I lost my virginity and sanity in. The house that left me scars that will never be repaired. I was done. I grab the handle of my suitcase and walk out. Good bye Sebastian.


	2. Chapter 2

**June**

 

I hurried down the elevator of my apartment. It's been two months since I left Sebastian, and so far it's been hard to get my life back into control. I have a lot of flashbacks and memories that hold me back. I have a new boss, since I caught her fucking Sebastian, she said so it would be "less awkward." She gave me another job though, so I guess it was okay. I have to thank her, she gave me the strength and anger to leave. 

The elevator beeped and the door opened. I fast-walked to the underground with my head down. I don't know what Sebastian is doing these days, so I completely changed my appearance and posture to keep my recognition to a minimum. For example, my long, black hair was cut to a copper pixie cut. I got rid of my glasses and got contacts to make me eyes green. I changed my style too. 

Now, I walk with a straight back and my head down so no one can see my face. I did change my daily make up, but make up only changes so much. I walked down the stairs and  _slam!_ I dropped my briefcase and I look up to a man about 6'3". My mind instantly shifts to Sebastian.  _He was about 6'3", this could be him._ Instead of deadly gray eyes, and long, brown hair, I see a man with piercing blue eyes and beautiful black hair. His eyes are full of concern as he hands me my suitcase. Familiarity spreads through me and I gasp as it hits me.  _This is how I met Sebastian._ I bite my lip to the point where it starts bleeding so I don't cry.

_"You ugly bitch! You'll never get anywhere in life!"_

_"All you do is cry when I try to discipline you! If you leave me, your life will be so much worse!"_

_"Come back here bitch or your punishment will be worse!"_

_No, I can't let him control me._ I shift back to reality to see the man's lips moving, but I couldn't hear anything. 

"Hello?" I jump and I snap my eyes to his.

"Wha-"

"Are you okay, ma'am? You look scared, can I help you?"

"N-no, I-I'm f-f-fine." I grab the briefcase out of his hands and start jogging away.

"Wait!" The man shouted. I spun around. "Are you sure? You seem disheveled, I can help you to your work." 

"N-no, really." I was about to turn away when another man came up to us with stunning brown eyes and hair. Their hair style was similar, only the new man was a little bit tanner and taller.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded and the new man stuck out his hand. "I'm Dan." I took his hand and shook it. The other man stuck out his hand too.

"Phil," he said. I nodded and turned away. "What about your name?" Phil shouted. I didn't respond and kept walking.

Who are Dan and Phil? Why are they so much alike? I couldn't get my mind off them the whole day.

After work, I was half hoping to run into them again. _Well, that's stupid they're just some strangers you ran into. You won't see them again._ Still, I didn't necessarily wanted to go home either. I decided to head to Starbucks and get some hot chocolate and a some food. I walk in, find an empty table in the corner of the room, drop my bags, order my food, and turn around to see two very familiar looking men looking right at me.  _Dan and Phil... holy shit._  


	3. Chapter 3

   Dan and Phil.... staring right at me, walking over to me. I can't act like I didn't see them because it's pretty obvious I see them too. I study them and I see that one of them is holding a very high-tech camera.  _I wonder what for.... Are they photographers? No, they don't seem like the type._  I try to move, but I feel paralyzed with fear of confrontation.  _I thought you wanted to see them again! Yeah, I did, I do, but what will they say?_  Time seems to slow down. _Who are they?_

"Hey, you!" Phil, I think, starts speaking to me. "You didn't give us your name earlier! Oh no, were you late to work? I'm so sorry if you were! I can tell your boss that we held you up so-" 

   I chuckle to myself.  _Phil seems okay._   _No, I can't let my guard down._ "No, really, it's okay. I got there in time. Sorry for my... behavior, I guess, this morning. I'm Jocelyn, Jocelyn Warner."

   "What do you do for work?" 

   "I work for YouTube security, I know that their HQ isn't in the UK, but I work at one of their offices." We start walking towards my table. "Uh, you can sit down if you want."  _Wait, why are they still with me? They know that I'm okay, so why are they still with me? Do they think they have to be with me? Should I tell them they don't have to be with me?_

   "Jocelyn," A voice called my order and I left the table to get it.

 

\---

 

 _YouTube security? Wow, she must be good at what she does._ I look over at Dan as Jocelyn leaves the table. 

   "YouTube security, that's big, we should-"

   "She's fine, we can leave now Phil."

   "What? I like her, we can talk to her. Wait, I don't think she recognizes us. We can tell her we are on YouTube!"

   "Phil, she wouldn't care."  _Gosh, why is Dan being so pessimistic?_

"Dan, what's wrong?"

   "Do you care about me?"  _What? Where did this come from?_

   "Of course! You're my best friend! Dan turned his head away from me. "Dan! Why are you acting so strange?" Dan got up and left Starbucks without saying anything. "Wait, Dan!" I caught him right outside the door. "We need to finish filming our day in the life!" I held up the camera. "And we need to say goodbye if we're leaving!" I run back inside to see that Jocelyn is gone. While Dan was acting strange, I missed the chance to meet a girl who doesn't fangirl over me. Maybe she could've been a friend, maybe more than a friend. I missed a wonderful chance. 

   I walk back outside. "Come on, Dan. We're going home." So the two upset giants made their way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my writing is bad... if you can please give me tips... I'm quite new to writing fanfiction! :)


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